Mariana and Rob adopted sisters

Mariana had always wanted to have children, and she and Rob chose to explore adoption because of difficulties with fertility. Mariana discovered several years ago that she had endometriosis, which meant that it would be very difficult for her to become pregnant and carry a child to full term. She was 41 years old when she started exploring adoption and was keen to get the process started.

The couple had heard about PACT through a friend who had also adopted following unsuccessful fertility treatments. They attended an information evening and had a really positive experience with PACT. Mariana had a significant amount of childcare experience already from her work in nurseries and social services, and PACT’s team informed her that this would make them strong applicants. They were invited to attend an information sharing meeting to formally begin the application process.

The process for Rob and Mariana was quick, lasting 11 months from their first meeting to when their daughters were placed with them. After progressing through the process and being approved at adoption panel, the couple went through to the family finding stage.

They were hoping to adopt two children and were ideally looking for two birth siblings as they only wanted to go through the adoption process once. They began searching on Linkmaker and reading through children’s profiles, and both Mariana and Rob felt a connection with Isla’s profile.

Mariana said, “Our little story is that I was at work, you know what it’s like, flicking through [Linkmaker] desperate for your child, and I came home and said to Rob, ‘I think I’ve found our family,’ and Rob said, ‘I think I’ve found our family,’ and it was Isla’s picture.”

Isla was nearly two at the time, and her profile stated that her younger sister Evie was about to be born. Rob and Mariana expressed their interest in Isla and her sister, and the children’s social worker agreed that it was a good match. A meeting was arranged for Rob and Mariana to meet with the children’s social worker and then to go and see Isla in person, as well as Evie who had just been born.

During the meeting with the social worker, the couple were given more information about Isla’s situation which concerned them. They were informed that there were several factors in Isla’s early life that may have negative impacts on her development, including her birth mother taking drugs and alcohol while pregnant, and her birth parents having mental health conditions which could put the children at higher risk of developing these as they grew older. This meant there was a degree of uncertainty about Isla’s and Evie’s needs which Mariana and Rob had not anticipated.

This was a challenging time, and they were unsure whether to proceed with meeting Isla in person. They called their PACT social worker, who helped them talk things through and encouraged them to meet her and see how they felt.

As soon as Mariana entered the foster carer’s home and saw Isla, she felt that it was the right decision.

I hugged her and I said, ‘Mummy’s here,’ and that was it. Just one look at her and I knew we had to fight for her.”

By this time, Isla’s younger sister Evie had been born and was staying with another foster carer. Mariana and Rob were able to meet her on the same day and were keen to adopt both siblings. The match was approved, and Isla was placed with them first, followed by Evie 10 weeks later.

The couple had a contact meeting with the children’s birth mother and said they were glad they had this chance to meet her. The meeting went well, and Isla and Evie’s birth mother was positive about the adoption. Mariana said to her that she promised to look after her children, and the mother said, “Don’t promise that because they’re your children. I won’t be disputing anything – they’re better off with you.”

Rob and Mariana have since sent letters to her to provide updates about how the children are getting on, though without any reply. Isla and Evie also have four other half-siblings, and as the two sisters get older and have a better understanding of their birth family, there may be some opportunities for contact with their other siblings.

Since their children came to live with them, Mariana and Rob say things have been going well. There have been a few times when they have had questions or needed some support, and they have called up their PACT social worker for advice. They said they are reassured to know that PACT is always at the end of the phone should they need any further help in the future.

When asked what have been the biggest challenges of their adoption experience so far, Mariana and Rob said the biggest difficulty was working with the children’s social workers and the placing local authority to try to gain access to all the medical information they needed about the children. They also noted that having children has a significant financial impact, which they knew would be the case.

The biggest highlight has been bringing their children home, becoming a mum and dad and completing their family. Mariana, Rob, Isla, and Evie are about to attend a PACT family fun day and are looking forward to spending the day with other adoptive families.

To anyone considering adoption, Mariana and Rob say:

“Think about it hard. It’s not as easy as just getting a child; it can take time. Be prepared for your life to change (which I’m sure people will be). Do your research on where you want to go; I think PACT have been brilliant.”

Adopting siblings can be so worthwhile. They’ve always got each other. There’s going to be tough times for the kids [as they start to ask about their birth family] but I think if they’ve got each other to talk to, then that’s going to be a good thing.”

“We’ve had a smooth journey with PACT and we’re forever grateful for Vicky [our PACT social worker]. She’s been brilliant, and the whole PACT team have been wonderful.”

If you know in your heart that you want children, go for it. It’s not easy, but parenting isn’t!”

*Names changed in line with confidentiality